From Dave Mustaine (of the band Megadeth)…the song that says it best :
‘Trust’

Lost in a dream
Nothing is what it seems
Searching my head
For the words that you said

Absolutely nothing we trust

Probably the best place to start in my ’self online therapy’ (say that 5 times fast) is to ask myself, “What would make you/me happy?”…or should I ask, “What makes me unhappy?”…

Which would allow me to sift out what is truly causing my unhappiness?

How about this?

How about I go out on a limb and ask anyone who may stumble across this blog to act as a co-therapist in this?

Why not? What is there to lose in my journey of self discovery?

Afterall, there are good people online, people who aren’t quick to send venomous and snide or judgmental responses – people that may be able to show me things that I am missing, or teach me things that might be helpful.

So that will be step one….I ask you oh kinder and more intelligent Netizens, when someone is miserable where should they start in righting their lives?
what questions should be asked first/ or what actions considered first?

Yes yes…I know…but we don’t know a thing about you, so how can we offer any ideas or help?

Then let’s start there…ask away…….

> Contact me <

Maybe someone with a good mind and not looking to be flipitant or a smartass could offer some advice/wisdom on a way to just meet people online.

NOT by going the rather annoying Facebook, or Myspace or such routes.

Nothing against such, but I myself am looking for just someone(s) to communicate with (chat, email – whatever).

Any ideas? Suggestions?

Why……
Why is life so hard and love so tough?
Why is quitting so easy and fighting so rough?
Why is compromise simple and individuality a pain?
Why do some worship the sun and shun the rain?
Why do some forget me and put on a fake smile?
Why has conformity replaced individual style?
Why do some love only what they can hold?
Why are the treasures in life seen only as gold?
Why have neighbors become but strangers?
Why do we first distrust and only see dangers?
Why is compassion seen only as weakness?
Why is the news only full of bleakness?
Why does love end and leave you so blue.
The answer is simple – it never was true.

Where……
Where can my heart go when no one shows me any love?
I have no answer to give thereof.
I instead cry softly and let no one hear me weep.
Wrapped in loneliness, praying I may find sleep.
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Now I know I have no future as a writer based on the above piece.

But I had to post it as it is like a piece of me that maybe by sharing, well who knows.

Ah isn’t that a warm and fuzzy thought?

You smash my heart into a million bits and you ask, “can we still be friends”….I liked the ’still’ term interjected in there.

Still? Why of course, I mean – the whole cheating on me and then dumping me well…that is just how it goes, and I know I certainly couldn’t call someone a friend unless I knew I could royally screw them over.

Isn’t it part of friendship to throw away qualities like trust?

Absolutely, let’s still be friends. For I know who you really are so there’s no mysteries anymore now are there?

How can a person even use words like ‘let’s be friends’ after they screw you over (and screw is used in a sort of literal sense in this case)?

It truly is better to lead someone on than be honest, otherwise you don’t have your ‘ducks in a row’ now do you?

Just call me the friendly back up plan. I like that, for I am sort of like a spare tire that you’ll probably never need, but it’s handy to throw me in the trunk and have if things go flat.

See when you ‘use’ someone it is win-win situation for you.

You get your cake and eat it too (ok maybe it isn’t cake per se, but you get the idea).

Ah ya have to really respect those that find sex to define a relationship, they really have their heads screwed on straight right?

Um, no….the threads that have their heads screwed on are so stripped and mangled, that it’s more of a jammed on thing that securely screwed on setup.

But I used the topic of win-win, as people tend to play games and to them winning equates to being happy.

And the secret is this – that don’t know from straight up what happiness is. They have some deluded fantasy that by being with the best sex partner, oh I mean – relationship partner that they are winning and thereby happy.

Sure that may mean they screw someone over so royally it should require a coronation… but so what…you have to break a few eggs to make an omlette, or fertilize a few eggs to trap a new ’spouse’…one of those analogies is applicable.

50% of marriages fail is the stat that seems to be engrained into us.

And yes, sometimes things in a marriage just make it unworkable.

But sometimes it just becomes a waiting game, to see how one party can wait out the other.

For if they hook up with someone, then they just become cold to their spouse, and bide their time for said spouse to get the hint and bail out.

And PRESTO….really soo after said departure the new relationship goes full tilt.

Yea, that really shows respect doesn’t it?

Oh wait….it’s about happiness isn’t it?

You can’t expect someone to stay single and alone and sad right?

What tihsllub……

Just occurred to me, how someone can tell you they love you and be ’seeing’ someone else – it’s a backup plan.

Sort of a parachute, like let’s say you have a ‘relationship’ that starts online, well it might work out just marvelously – OR, since you aren’t ‘in the flesh’ they might find someone close by to ‘fill the gap’ that is created by you not being there.

Yea yea…the weak and willing flesh will funk things up everytime.

See, I have learned that some people, they are just too weak to be alone, so they always have to have someone available to/for them.

And sex is to some shallow people the equivalent of love or caring or whatever you’d like to term it.

I never could equate sex and love as being the same.

But then again maybe I have a real human heart and not some psychological damaged (traumatized?) fixation whereby I have to ‘hook’ someone with sex to ward of being alone.

They fear loneliness so much that they’ll childishly always have someone on the hook, and then when they ‘get them’, they are so quick to cast off anyone else (well they’ll keep you hanging on, just as a last ditch backup) .

These people never really grow up, they just use people and convince themselves they deserve to ‘have someone’. They don’t have clue one of happiness, instead they are more focused on not being alone.

They’ll breakoff with even the most kind person, just to have someone.

They spend a lifetime flitting from one relationship to the next.

I saw that on a sign inside an old abandoned building recently. I assume it referenced the former contents of case, that I believe held an axe or something that if there’d have been a fire…well you get the idea.

Anyways having recently gone through a nasty ‘breakup’ – well I am not get “finished” going through it all, so I may be wrong to say I have ‘gone’ through a breakup.

I’m in the very depths and worst part of it all.

Sure the best advice anyone usually can come up with is something like…”Well you are better off without them”…or “Move on and forget about that blankety-blank”.

And true, all we can do is move past such moments, even if they are hurtful. No matter the circumstances.

Even if the person on the other end of the breakup LIED and CHEATED on you.

Yes, for in such instances they didn’t “mean to hurt” you, in fact they “didn’t even realize  they were developing feelings for someone else”…HOLD IT!?

Maybe I am dense and thick as a brick in my thinking, but how can you tell someone you love them, and yet be ’seeing’ someone else and there’s no conflict internally?????